PARENTAL LEAVE (0 : 1) BACK TO WORK

in this copy i am sharing with you
- my personal “elterngeld” story
- interview w/ Anissa Brinkhoff
- i opened a re:frame broadcast on instagram

my baby is born, and while we’re both adjusting, i have so many thoughts i can’t sort out. birth is political. being white and german-passing makes a big difference in getting better healthcare and support, especially when dealing with bureaucracy. and since we’re talking about international women’s day - and the fact that apple and google removed it from their calendars - we also need to talk about the pay gap, beyond all the existing discrimination. i don’t want to be a quota or a diversity factor. i want to be paid equally. so book me for your workshops, stages, and events to talk about entrepreneurship, personal branding, and emerging tech. because after all the preparation over the past months, i just found out that the elterngeld offer doesn’t work for me.

MY PERSONAL “ELTERNGELD” STORY

don’t get me wrong, i still think living in germany is a huge privilege. giving birth here means that if you're employed, you’re not allowed to work for six weeks before and eight weeks after birth while still receiving your full paycheck. but this doesn’t apply if you're self-employed and don’t have it covered by your insurance. we have a system that works for many, but that also means even more people are excluded - especially those who aren’t born white, male, and rich. if you're self-employed, you already face many challenges. if politics represented more women and different life concepts, more people - and their needs - would be seen. and fewer men would have the chance to voice their unnecessary “thoughts.” i don’t want to open that debate, but i do want to say one thing: march 8th is not about flowers. it’s about equal opportunities and equal pay.

so, what did you do to support a women’s business today, yesterday and what will you do tomorrow?

my friend and female finance journalist Anissa and i have had many conversations about our professional paths. too often, we were either unpaid or paid less than our male competitors. we were the “diversity factor,” not the experts - or only the experts on “diversity.” just a few weeks ago, a male friend told me he was offered a job i had brought him into. at that point, i was pregnant, so they didn’t continue with me. but they accepted his fee - almost double mine. for me, there was always a budget limit.

so back to “elterngeld” - after months of calculations, i decided not to take it. instead, i’ll rely on my savings and go back to work on may 1st. for self-employed people, “elterngeld” is essentially borrowed and calculated based on your balance sheet. applying for it costs both time and money and can even lead to additional payment demands from the tax office and health insurance. at the same time, the monthly amount doesn’t cover all my expenses, so it was a losing deal. i had to ask myself: how much will i get per month? how much do i have in savings? what possible payments could come up, and when would they be due?

and while ifo president Clemens Fuest suggests canceling it entirely, i’d rather see more diverse options that reflect different needs - not just for women, but also for men, fathers, and partners who want to share caregiving equally.

does it make sense that you worked for it and paid taxes, but when you apply, you have to do it with your partner’s income? and on top of that, you only get 65% or a maximum of € 1.8k while insurance gets more expensive and life costs more because you have another person to feed.

ANISSA, LET’S TALK ABOUT IT OPENLY!

what are the most important numbers to know so that we understand when it comes to female financial „in“dependence in germany?

before i list all the gaps, I can simplify it: Germany is at the bottom of the league almost everywhere in Europe when it comes to financial equality. because if women in Germany earn more than 4 euros less per hour than men, they logically also receive significantly less pension, earn much less money over their entire lives and are even less able to increase their little money than men are (these were the gender pay gap, pension gap, life time earnings & wealth gap). on the other hand, women spend 44.3% more time each day on unpaid care work than men. and those who do care work cannot do paid work at the same time. if you're not already fed up, here are a few more figures:

• 53% of all women could not financially manage their living situation on their own. if children are added, 70% of all women are.

• about 67% of working mothers in Germany work part-time,

• but only 8% of working fathers work part-time.

your personal elterngeld story in one sentence.

elterngeld is a “lohnersatzleistung, so it is intended to replace your salary while you are on parental leave. my daughter is 16 months old, my parental leave was almost a year ago - and my elterngeld has still not been paid. (sorry, 2 sentences)

what is your advice on how parents can prepare for elterngeld? what can women do in particular to avoid falling into patriarchal structures and dependency on their partner?

• looking back, i would get as much help as possible when applying for parental allowance, especially if one parent is self-employed. the elterngeld offices weren’t very helpful, and hiring a commercial consultation (e.g., beziehungsinvestor:innen) would have been financially worthwhile.

• if elterngeld isn’t paid for months, as in my case, you can file an “injunction” with the office - lawyers or chatgpt can help.

• to all women: discuss childcare and work distribution with your partner before pregnancy to avoid slipping into unwanted roles. fairness isn’t always 50:50, but open conversations help find the best model.

• unpaid care work must be compensated. maternity leave, parental leave, or part-time work cost mothers significant income. if i receive little parental allowance while my partner earns a full salary, he should cover expenses proportionately or make compensatory payments for my financial security, including retirement. it would be great if men addressed this proactively!

• worst-case scenarios exist. financial planning starts with a “fuck-you fund” of 3-6 months’ expenses - money set aside for independence, allowing me to leave any job or relationship anytime.

• patriarchal structures pull us into traditional roles. i currently do more care work because my husband’s income is more stable. sometimes it frustrates me, but we see it as temporary and intentional.

finances are complex - feel free to reach out if you have questions!

written Anissa Brinkhoff, female finance journalist || reach out via linkedin & instagram

NOTE2SELF

“and suddenly, you’re a mom. but that title comes at a price.”

i don’t want to complain because, first of all, motherhood is a huge gain. but the downside is real, and if you’re not prepared, you’ll get burned - badly. i worried a lot. about many things, but also about pregnancy and life as a mom. i worried because my financial situation took unexpected turns. i wasn’t getting booked as much as i had expected, and yet i’m still on the privileged side, with some savings and assets i could turn into liquid money. i’m smart enough to let money work for me instead of just exchanging time for it.

especially now, after these elections, seeing an “old white man” become the head of germany - a man who clearly doesn’t believe in equal rights. a right-wing party is so present that even centrist parties are adopting their rhetoric. women need to be able to make fully autonomous decisions about their bodies.

i’m no longer worried about how my body looks after pregnancy or whether i’m losing weight fast enough. i’m worried about losing my rights. and that’s why we all need to be feminists and stand up for each other’s needs.

HOW TO WORK W/ ME

i'm planning my comeback for MAY 2025. if you're in need of a creative lead w/ a focus on emerging tech. i offer workshops, speeches, and consulting. you can also reach out for support in personal branding and entrepreneurship. and i will take some bookings for stages too. see my references via dajanaeder.xyz 

BITS & NUGGETS to make u SMARTER

• a simple guide on “how 2 elterngeld” by finanz heldinnen

• Jo Lücke is my source for care, relationships and capitalism questions.

• around 76% of high-performing women reportedly receive negative feedback compared to just 2% of high-performing men - the female quotient

• why we still need international women’s day by funke

PREVIEW to the next RE:FRAME

have you ever tried fasting or taken a deep dive into ramadan? in the next episode, two inspiring women will join me to talk about their business, their learnings, and why they created a women’s business iftar event to mark the end of ramadan - Meriem & Selma Lebdri.

you made a powerful decision for yourself by reading RE:FRAME to the end. let’s turn that power into action - add five more in: five forwards to friends, five shares, or simply your five mins of reflections. your next step matters.